Can You Trust Your Date? Scientific Red Flags of Deception
Key Takeaways
First Date Psychology: Reading Attraction Signals Early
There is nothing more exhilarating than starting a relationship with someone you’re head over heels for. The mixture of nervousness, excitement, validation and promise that comes with those crucial first few dates can’t be matched.
As you get to know each other, both of you have a chance to reinvent yourselves. What an opportunity to shed bad habits, bury the less favorable parts of your past, and put your best face forward! At the same time, you are cautiously evaluating your date’s every gesture and sentence, reading between the lines to try to form an accurate picture of the person across the table.
What can you deduce about your date as you get acquainted in those all-important first nights out? Is she really who she says she is? Is he just feeding me lines, or does he really feel that way? Part of the fun, of course, is figuring it all out. Here are 5 things to look for in the candlelight:
Does your date smile genuinely?
The most powerful facial expression is the smile. When flashed out of genuine happiness or delight, it is a calming and reassuring sign of contentment. Genuine smiles engage both parts of the face. The corners of the mouth lift and the eyelids narrow, often creating faint lines at the corners of the eyes. They also tend to appear evenly on both sides of the face, reflecting the natural symmetry of authentic emotion.
But when faked, a smile is cause for caution. Humans can consciously control the muscles around the mouth, yet it is nearly impossible to fake the involuntary movements around the eyes. If a smile does not reach the eyes, appears only on one side of the face, or seems to switch on and off too quickly, it may be masking another emotion. If you spot forced smiles on the face of your date, he or she is not as engaged in the conversation as you might think. Waiter! Check please!
Does your date gesture while talking?
Are your date’s hands hidden below the table while she is answering questions? If so, you are in for a loooong evening. (Not the good kind of long evening either.) As social creatures, we don’t normally tense up and freeze our upper bodies in normal, relaxed conversation, so a lack of arm or hand gestures while talking is a strong sign of discomfort, or worse, deception. On the other hand, if your date is knocking wine glasses over left and right as she excitedly tells stories, you’re in for a fun night.
Does your date place physical barriers between the two of you?
You’re midway through dinner, and all is going well with the date. Or so you think. But after the busboy has cleared the table so there’s nothing but white tablecloth between the two of you, she pulls out her purse and sets it in front of her. Red flag! Interviewers and interrogators have found that people who are hiding something (say, guilt or discomfort) will look to build barriers around them with whatever’s available. If the table stays clear, use the opportunity to connect… How about an after-dinner drink?
Does your date repeat your questions verbatim?
Within the first few dates, the question inevitably comes up, “Are you seeing anyone else?” If your date’s response is to repeat the question in full, Am I seeing anyone else?, chances are good that he or she is about to fudge the truth. While we repeat parts of questions all the time in normal conversation, the only reason we take the time to parrot a question in full is to buy time to construct a deceptive answer. So be ready with a follow-up “Is that the whole story?” if you really want to know the truth. You might not.
Are your date’s legs and feet pointed toward the door?
For your sake, let’s hope not. You may have heard the expression “fight or flight”… this is the human evolutionary response to stressful or uncomfortable situations. In the case of a date gone south, the human tendency for “flight” usually results in a person subconsciously orienting himself toward the exit. His legs cross away from you to build a barrier, his feet point toward the door and he leans in that direction as well. By contrast, when two people are comfortable and building rapport, their feet, legs and torsos are oriented toward each other. As the evening progresses, if all goes well, those body parts may even become … entangled.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can you tell if someone is lying on a date?
You can tell if someone may be lying on a date by watching for subtle nonverbal distancing, forced smiles, repeated questions, and body orientation that signals discomfort. In the early stages of dating, people are often putting their best face forward, so small behavioral cues become especially important.
A genuine smile signals authentic engagement and enjoyment. A forced smile, by contrast, may suggest emotional hesitation. Notice whether your date gestures naturally while speaking. Visible hands and open gestures usually indicate comfort and confidence, while restricted movement or hidden hands can signal tension.
Physical barriers also matter. If your date suddenly places a purse, glass, or other object between you, it may reflect subconscious distancing. Verbal delay tactics are another clue. Repeating your question verbatim can buy time to construct an answer. Finally, watch their feet and legs. When someone’s body angles toward the door rather than toward you, it can signal a desire for flight rather than connection.
What are the body language signs my date is not interested?
Signs someone is interested in you often show up in eye contact, smiles, laughter, and relaxed body language before they ever say it aloud. Mutual eye contact strengthens emotional connection and usually leads to deeper conversation. Genuine smiles that engage the whole face and shared laughter early on are strong indicators of attraction. You may also notice subtle synchrony such as leaning in at the same time or naturally mirroring posture, which reflects comfort and growing connection.
When interest is low, the signals tend to look different. Forced or tight smiles that do not reach the eyes can suggest hesitation. Limited gestures, hidden hands, or a frozen upper body posture may indicate tension rather than ease. These cues often appear even when someone’s words remain polite and friendly.
Physical distancing behaviors are another important clue. Placing objects like a purse or phone between you, leaning away, or angling the body toward the exit can signal discomfort or a desire to leave. On a first date, body language often reveals more about attraction than spoken words.
How can I distinguish between real and fake smiles?
You can distinguish between a real and fake smile by looking at the eyes and the symmetry of the face. A genuine smile is flashed out of real happiness or delight and feels calming and reassuring. It signals authentic engagement and true contentment.
A forced smile is cause for caution. When someone is not fully engaged or is masking discomfort, the smile may appear deliberate rather than spontaneous. In the context of a first date, a fake smile can suggest emotional hesitation or lack of interest, even if the conversation sounds warm.
The science of facial expressions shows that genuine smiles engage both the mouth and the eyes. Real smiles lift the corners of the mouth and narrow the eyelids, creating small lines at the corners of the eyes. They are typically symmetrical on both sides of the face. Artificial smiles are easier to control around the mouth but rarely engage the eyes evenly. You can read more about these facial cues and microexpressions on the Facial Expressions page.